When this gets hard

Living a jillion miles away from people you love is hard on a regular day. There are days when I miss my family so much and electricity isn't cooperating or for one of a hundred other reasons, I can't get in touch with them. Those days are hard. Missing my family and having my children reach milestones without them close by is one of the most difficult things I've ever done. However, as I'm learning this week, it's supremely more difficult not to be there when you desperately want to cry with them, grieve with them and lend support to them.

A few days ago, my beloved Step-Dad lost his battle with cancer. Kirby has always treated us just like we were his own kids. He's supported every decision we've ever made, even though some of those decisions must have been difficult for family members to understand and support. Because Jonathan's parents have both already gone on to be with the Lord, Kirby has been the one Jonathan relied on for good, sound advice. If we had a problem, I know Kirby would sit and stew over it until he had a good answer to offer us.

When we left, we knew that his situation didn't look good, but I just don't think you can ever really prepare yourself for someone you love to pass on. I think the most difficult thing is that we are forced to grieve from a distance. There is no funeral from which we can gain closure. It's difficult to comfort and love your family members over the phone or through Skype. I'm a 'doer'. I DO things for people. Physical things. Tangible things. I cook. I clean. I offer my shoulder. Since my 'doing' is out of the equation, I feel little more lost and a little more sad. I know that I'm going to learn so much through this particular part of my journey. I know I'll learn more about what love really is and how it's expressed, but right now, those are lessons I'm not ready to face. Right now, I know that my heart hurts for my family and Kirby's family, and all I can do is pray and love them from afar. Right now, that just doesn't seem like enough.

I usually like to read positive blogs or funny ones, and that's the kind of posts I usually try to write. Just little anecdotes about our crazy life, and the ways in which things are different on the other side of the world. But everything can't be summed up into neat sitcom-like packages. Some things are just plain hard. Some things have to be wrestled with for a while before you can learn the lessons that are meant for you and appear safely on the other side. Thanks for wrestling with me.